November Handicap Meeting

Remember Sean Fitzpatrick? Perhaps you do, as I mentioned him here before.
And no, I don't mean the banker (and chairman of Anglo Irish Bank, whom I mentioned as well).
I mean my neighbour, the philosopher and retired printer.

This morning he told me that he was going to the 'November Handicap Meeting' today. I was not sure what he meant by that, since I had never heard about that before.
But then I remembered that his wife is handicapped since she had a stroke a few years ago. I didn't want to look stupid, or appear as too nosy, so I didn't ask him about details.
I just assumed that he was going with his wife to a monthly meeting for handicapped people.

But then I saw his wife in the garden this afternoon, and began to wonder. So I went out and said hello, asking how she was, and that I had thought she was going to a meeting today.

She said she was fine, and that Sean had gone on his own, as she didn't really care much for the horses and couldn't bear the crowds at race meetings.

Now I was puzzled. Horses? Race meetings? I clearly remembered that Sean had said he was going to a handicap meeting. To avoid embarrassment I said no more and went back inside, where I sat down at my desk and googled the words "November Handicap Meeting".

It only took a few seconds, and then Google filled my computer screen with plenty of links to "handicap meetings". And guess what? They were all horse races! Not one was an actual meeting for handicapped people.

You might think I am stupid, or perhaps not.

I am not into horse racing, nor anything that uses animals in improper and exploitative ways. So I am not familiar with the internal expert lingo of the sport. But now that I have heard it, and read about it a good deal, I wonder why they use such strange and often even hilarious language in horse racing.

Everything in this sport seems to be totally commercialised and there is advertisement in every bit and detail. Even the names of the actual races are now pure advertisement. Doing my bit of research, I found many silly names, but here are only a few from yesterday alone:

• A. Bartlett & Sons (Airdrie) Ltd. Maiden Hurdle (could be a chastity contest)
• William Ewart Properties Handicap Hurdle (getting a mortgage is difficult now)
• JNwine.com Champion Steeplechase (Does the champion get a head start? And a bottle of wine?)
• Killultagh Properties Ltd. Steeplechase (They even sell churches now..., don't they?)
• Rainbow Telecom Handicap Steeplechase (does probably involve handling new types of mobile phones)
• Lough Developments Ltd. (Pro/Am) Flat Race (how to get a new apartment in a newly developed area)

I don't know how anyone can take such ridiculous names - and thus the whole horse racing business - for serious. Fortunately I will not have to occupy my little brain with the matter any longer, as I do now care even less for horse racing than I did before. The horses, I am sure, are having a good laugh at us.